When it comes to movies, I’m an easy critic. I don’t need a heavy plot or a real “thinker”. Just gimme a hot man with juicy chemistry with his co-star, and I’ll usually forgive things such as bad acting or awkward scene transitions (Think: “Twilight”). As long as I’m lost in the movie, I’m satisfied. But unfortunately, Zac Efron’s “Charlie St. Cloud” couldn’t even please this easy critic – it was a real stinker. Hot leading man – YES! Good co-star chemistry? HELLZ NO! And the story…well, it was weak.

In a nutshell, Charlie’s (Efron) little bro, Sammy, gets killed in a car accident at the beginning of the movie, and then Charlie spends the next several years meeting Sammy’s ghost in the forest for a daily session of catch (both avid baseball fans). Life begins to pass Charlie by because he’s afraid to miss a single day with his bro in that forest, fearful that Sammy will eventually slip away for good. Enter Tess (Amanda Crew), and things start looking up for Charlie…

The main problem with the movie for me is that the beginning tearjerker scene that sets the whole movie in motion failed to grab me. I didn’t shed a single tear or even get a little lumpy in my throat. Nuthin’! And hey, I can get teary from a freagin’ Anheuser Busch commercial! (Remember the one with the soldiers walking in the airport?) I don’t know; the brotherly relationship just didn’t seem authentic. It was too cutesy and perfect. And then the other part of the movie that’s supposed to grab you is the relationship between Tess and Charlie. But unfortunately, Efron and Crew had zero chem and left me thinking “That was it?” after a too-brief fade to black make out sesh. Producers could’ve picked a much better costar for uber hot Zac. This Amanda Crew girl looked gangly with her too thin and tall frame. If she’s supposed to be a believable sailor girl that’s going to pull off a solo mission around the world, I’m picturing someone a little more athletic, like Ashley Green from “Twilight” or something.

What “Charlie” does well

The one thing that “Charlie St. Cloud” succeeded in was showcasing how freakin’ deamy Zac Efron is. The camera def loves this guy’s face – it’s kind of angelic. Those baby blues are sumpthin’ else! In fact, there were about a million scenes where Z.Ef is staring off into the distance with a perfectly lit backdrop (almost glow-like) and symphony music playing. I definitely appreciated this from a purely healthy, happy eyes perspective (who needs carrots?). But dammnit if it still wasn’t enough to carry this flick.

The battle of the Hollywood heartthrobs

For some reason I kept comparing this movie to another certain Hollywood heartthrob’s recent tragic love story. Yes, I’m talking about none other than Robert Pattinson in “Remember Me”. Now, I don’t think “Remember Me” was an Oscar winner either, but I think RPattz might just be a better actor. He’s grittier and he doesn’t play the pretty boy that kicks everyone’s ass in movies, like Efron does. He gets his ass kicked and then rocks a black eye like no one’s business! Also, Zacky may be incredibly dreamy and pretty even – but he’s not necessarily sexy bo blexy or anything. I mean – OK – I kind of swooned during the kiss in “Charlie”, but it was over before it started, so he loses points. Rob will make your toes curl during a makeout scene, so he wins. And I’m only comparing these two because they’re both contending for the top spot on H-Wood’s biggest ‘throb list. And although Efron earned the top spot in People Magazine’s best bod shout out, I think Pattinson kills him in every other category.

So back to my movie review…Ya, it sucked. I’ve just gotta call it like a see it: blatant objectification of a very pretty boy’s face and body in a weak and at times weird plot, packaged up in a movie that’s been sold as the greatest thing since slice bread to hit the theaters in weeks!! (EXHALE!)

I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I kind of like “17 Again” better! I don’t know, maybe I just liked Zac hitting on a majah cougar!!!! See THAT was believable to me! J

If you saw "Charlie St. Cloud" this weekend, what did you think?