True Blood’s Ryan Kwanten (Jason Stackhouse) undressed me with his eyes this past weekend at a Halloween bash in San Francisco. And I liked it.

Think about it…

Just picture it…

Alright, so I’m not quite sure he undressed me and did naughty things to me in his head or anything, but he def laid eyes on meh. And I’d love to say he completed me in that one look, but I’d be lying. Truth be told, Ryan Kwanten is a little bitch. Not Jason Stackhouse – Ryan Kwanten. Jason and I, we’re cool. We’re still in bed togethah. But Ryan, grrrr.

Lemme back up. You may recall a blog post I did a couple of weeks ago in which I detailed the HOT DATE that Bulletsucker and I were going to have with the True Blood hotties Jason Stackhouse and sexy werewolf Alcide (Joe Manganiello) over Halloween. Well, we went, we saw, we touched – and it was exquisite…to a point.

Lemme back up even more. I went to the party dressed as a Justin Bieber groupie as my husband totes went as Justin Bieber! HA! I very much enjoyed morphing into a 13-year old for this particular “costume”. I even wore hot pink hair clip-ins and old school Nike high tops in hot pink and black! I was werkin’ it. If JB were really in the hizzo, he wouldn’t have been able to keep his hands off me. Wait, that’s weird. Nevermind. Bulletsucker was a roller derby gurl complete with a black eye, blood gushing down her chin, knee pads, skates, and a helmet. Note: she fell on the pavement outside our hotel before we had any drinks at all directly after she assured me that she was a pro and falling would be impossible for her to do. Just sayin’. As I saw her barreling down to the ground all I could do was scream at the top of my lungs and watch. I couldn’t help because I was frozen in time. Anyway.

So then the four of us (including our husbs) piled into a taxi cab in front of our hotel and declared to the cabby; “TO THE WESTIN!” The cab driver turns around and looks at us incredulously and points across the street – “Do you mean that Westin?” Yep, our hotel was directly across the street – like 20 feet from the Westin where the party was and we didn’t even know it. Oops! We laughed our asses off and piled out of the cab as I’m pretty sure the cab driver muttered “Dumbasses” under his breath. Whatever, jerk!

We rolled up to this longass line full of #skankswithoutpurpose – you know, gurls that dress really slutty for Halloween without any real identifying costume other than looking like a pure skank? Well, we wanted to be #skankswithpurpose, but we looked nothing like skanks. Well, maybe Bulletsucker did sort of when her bloomers showed, but her helmet was distracting. To find out what happens next, just watch our below podcasts; broken up into two vids since YouTube was being a little Stackbitch and wouldn’t except the whole vid. We explain in our podcast how the night pretty much went between getting a fast pass to the front of the line, to huggin’ up on SEXY-BO-BLEXY werewolf Alcide, to stalking Stackhouse. I might even have rubbed my boobies on the werewolf a little. Just a little though.

Can I just say that when faced with a totally screwable celeb, my clever candor flies right out the mutherfucking window? It’s true. Werewolf stands up to take a picture with me and he’s obvy wearing a “Top Gun” flight suit and I go; “WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?” I’m a ritard.

BUUUUUT, I didn’t give up. Picture this scene…

Courtney: Hey, do you mind taking a picture with Justin Bieber? (My husband.)

Alcide (werewolf): I love Justin Bieber!

Courtney: Me too! That’s why I’m wearing this shirt! (Lame)

And then Jeff walks up and takes a picture with him in which werewolf is totes pointing at Jeff like “he’s the man” or something. HA!

Jeff: Man, you’re built like a brick shithouse.

Aclide (werewolf): *Shrugs* It’s part of the job.

Jeff: Do you moonlight for the Chargers?

Alcide (werewolf): No, Pittsburg!

And then they exchanged phone numbers and tugged each other’s dicks before parting.

Just kidding.

Jeff: He was cool. Who was that?

HA!

Remember how I said Ryan Kwanten was a little bitch? Ya well; we’ll get into that in the podcast. Now, sit back and enjoy the show my lovelies…

PCJ podcast part 1: The werewolf

PCJ podcast part 2: Stalking Stackwolf